I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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