i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
