fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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