you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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