So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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