I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
