My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
