How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
