I think i peed on brittanys purse
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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