Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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