I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
