I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
