apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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