oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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