My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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