maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
