No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
