There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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