it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
