Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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