She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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