But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
