my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
