Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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