Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
