shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
