Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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