He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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