Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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