everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
