So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
