I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
