Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
