can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
