I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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