Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
