She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
youre lurking in front of me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
