3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
