I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
