we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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