Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
