Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
