If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
