I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
