I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
