I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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