Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
