Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
