he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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