Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
