I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
