I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize