it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
