My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
