my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
