my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
