I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
