Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
