Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
