Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
