How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
